Alright, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. We all know that there was something fishy going on in the NLCS. And we’re not talking about the lengths of those Dodger Dogs. (Who makes a wiener longer than the bun?!)
No, no, we are specifically talking about the ridiculous and outright blatant cheating that was being conducted by the Los Angeles Dodgers. We’ll give them their credit; they’re quite the squad. It ain’t easy to win as many games as they did in one regular season in today’s game. But we also don’t think that anyone should beat up on the 2017 Cubs so handily. They’re a good club, too.
For that reason, we did some deep undercover work to find out just exactly what was going on between the lines of the 2017 NLCS – and 4 specific items that definitely prove the Dodgers cheated and you won’t convince us otherwise.
- Exhibit A: Whatever Yu Darvish was doing. Yeah, we will be the ones to say it. That man was involved in some black magic trickeration in his appearance in Game 3. On the mound, he was something else. We all were seeing how the ball was moving around as it was coming out of his hand – and it was completely unnatural. We refuse to believe that he wasn’t doing something that was not allowed. And, then, only to confirm our suspicions, (Cubs fans may want to stop reading right here) the at bat he had against Carl Edwards, Jr. There was very clearly something going on there and we all know it. The way that Edwards, Jr. couldn’t get near the zone while Darvish was waving his bat about. It makes you start to wonder…Magnets?...Could Darvish have been using magnets to direct the ball around the strike zone? Both from the mound and the batter’s box?
- Exhibit B: Here’s some fancy math for ya, stat geeks. Over the course of 5 games, the Dodgers outscored the Cubs 28-8. Over the course of the regular season, though, the Cubs outscored their opponents 822-695. Proportionally speaking, the Cubs scored 1.18 runs per run given up compared to .28 runs scored per runs allowed in the NLCS. That’s a different of 0.9 runs scored per runs allowed – and that’s a lot. The Dodgers did hold a 3.38 ERA at the end of the regular season so it isn’t like they are slouches on the rubber. However, this is some kind of Cub offense that the Dodgers apparently put to sleep. And, frankly, it’s about as damn suspicious as a college freshman dating a high school sophomore. We don’t like it and we think there needs to be some extra scrutiny placed on the situation.
- Exhibit C: We’re not going to say that the Dodgers were stealing signs but we’re going to say that the Dodgers were stealing signs at Wrigley Field! Yes! Bold call of the day, we know! But it happened, man! It’s not often that you catch teams stealing signs as the visiting club but we at Korked are sharp as tacks. Let’s look at the numbers. In the first game at Wrigley, the Dodgers scored six runs. Six. And off of Kyle Hendricks and Mike Montgomery. That’s just not a thing. Yeah, the Dodgers can hit and everything but those guys have some saucy pitches. Then, to try to get us off their tail, they only scored two in Game 4. Yeah, nice try, Dodgers, but we’re onto you. At that point, the Dodgers just said “Okay, we feel like having a few days off before the World Series so let’s just finish this thing,” and scored ELEVEN runs. Grow up, Dodgers. You’re making it way too obvious. Somebody investigate these men!
- Exhibit D: The Dodgers pitching staff outperformed – I mean, everything. Outperformed expectations, themselves, the Cubbie lineup, me (I’m basically an MLB pitcher, I promise), you name it. And it was just…kinda rude. Giving up 8 runs is hard to do in the thick of October. In a Championship Series, you know that there is going to be a good lineup on both sides of the ball. And, so, the Dodgers had to have been doing something not allowed. They just had to have been. Maybe they were using pine tar on their fingers. Maybe they were scuffing the ball. Maybe they were doing voodoo magic. Or maybe, just maybe, they were making really intimidating faces at the Cubs hitters and nobody noticed except the cowering Cubs. I’ll have to go back and check the tapes. If you’ve got any suggestions on how they could have been cheating, let us know in the comments. But we know something was up there.
There you have it. Magnets, bad math, sign stealing as the visiting team (mayhaps the most tricky of them all), and vast over-performance to the point of suspicion. That’s how the Dodgers did it! Yep, they dunnit, alright! Somebody alert the media! And the sheriff! And my grandmother! Because these lawbreakers are going down. *Cue rest of movie trailer*